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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair with a cell phone? Virgin Mobile."

"I once new a guy that worked at a tool and die company... ...He was hit with a tool, and died"

"Cup of coffee Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye. Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking"

"If my memory gets any worse I'll be able to plan my own surprise party"

"Why couldn't the skeleton pay his bus fare? Because he was skint."

"How many SCPs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? [DATA EXPUNGED]"

"When I was a kid my family was so poor my parents were forced to give my imaginary friend up for adoption."

"Are you sitting on the F5 key? Because your backside is refreshing."

"My brother had some bad news.. I saw my brother the other day, he told me ""Grandpa got badly burned"" ""Really how badly?"" ""Well they don't fuck around at the crematorium"""

"If Hillary wins, I'm leaving the country. If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country. It's not like I don't like either one. I just love to travel."