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Joke of the Day

"Tread lightly on the path, as we all have a journey to make. Unless you're super hungry, in which case you're allowed to mow people down."

"What's the difference between me and a cardboard box? A cardboard box isn't always empty on the inside. :("

"Me: How are you? Coworker: I can't complain. Me: *sticks finger in his coffee* Coworker: I just paid for that! Me: I knew you were lying."

"The Flash was caught high... He seemed to have taken speed."

"Why did Trump go to space? Because hot air rises"

"My lesbian neighbors... My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, ""I wanna watch."""

"When I'm on phone with tech support or costumer service, I say the whitest shit. ""Sure thing"" - ""You bet"" - ""Correct"" - ""Tell me about it"""

"Son: Dad, what does gay' means? Father: It means to be happy'. Son: Are you gay? Father: No, son. I have a wife."

"Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that were buried there."

"Freddie Mercury: ""Hey Brian, what rhymes with scaramouche?"" Brian May: um... Fandango? Freddie: ""Perfect!"" *snorts another line of coke*"