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Joke of the Day

"Text is the perfect way of saying I have some information I need to give you but I in no way shape or form want to hear your voice"

"I ordered a book on near death experiences. The anticipation almost killed me."

"Fun fact: At the end of Titanic, when all the people are dying in the water, you can hear a faint, ""Marco"" and then an even fainter, ""Polo."""

"Ummm yeah I want one of those phone case's where I can put my credit cards in with my phone so when I lose my phone I'm also broke. Genius!"

"[Spelling Bee] Your word is palindrome ""Can you use it in a sentence?"" Go hang a salami I'm a lasagna hog."

"Bruce Willis recently passed away while having sex He Died Hard"

"The bartender says ""we don't serve your kind here."" A time traveller walks into a bar."

"I just lost 130 pounds of useless fat, that was sucking the life out of me I got a divorce"

"C, Eb, and G walk into a bar, and the bartender says, ""We don't serve minors here."" So Eb leaves, and C and G have a fifth between them."

"4 gay guys walk into a bar, but there's only 1 available stool. What do they do? Flip it over."