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Joke of the Day

"I once saw a road sign that said, ""Slow Down, Small Children at Play"" but then it occurred to me that I'm not afraid of small children"

"What language do Fed-Ex drivers speak? Parcel-tongue"

"My son asked me what humble means. I told him it means pretending you're not better than everybody else."

"Don't expect me to tweet between 8 & 9 pm because that's when I dress like Madonna for an hour and dance provocatively in front of my pets."

"Ok, don't let them know you're a puma Interviewer: We're very impressed! You've got the job! ""REALLY!?! I'M SO HAPPY I JUST PUMA PANTS"""

"What do you call a gay drive by? A Fruit roll up"

"You can't sugar coat the truth with fat people... Or they'd probably eat that too."

"Why is salsa dancing so popular? Guacamole dancing is an extra $1.80."

"-Where was I conceived, dad? Dad: Ahh *rubs back of neck* At the Bellagio in Las Vegas. -Rly? Dad: Wd I lie to u, Bestwestern Broomcloset?"

"Got my left hand an awesome Valentines card and vibrating glove."