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Joke of the Day

"My wife asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes yesterday. She wasn't happy when I came back with a push up bra."

"Making my voice mail message say ""Just hang up and text me."""

"Q: What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months? A: An Apple turnover."

"currently texting 'Happy Father's Day' to all the men in my phone to freak them out"

"Before & after marriage Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue, O my darling! I love you... After Marriage: Roses are dead, I have flu, don't come near me, Paray hatt tuu,"

"How to get a divorce Wife: Honey, how do I look? Husband: Like a.. Well, great! Wife: Good great or bad great? Husband: Overflowing sewer grate."

"Hey people - learn to spell!!! I mean my co-workers. Twitter, you guys actually do pretty well, considering half of you are probably drunk."

"What do you get when you cross the Russian mafia and the Yakuza? Killed."

"My Boss called me immature today so I gave him a wedgie and made fun of his ugly family."

"A dyslexic woman walks into a bar And puts it on"