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Joke of the Day

"My daughter has green eyes, she got that from me, my wife on the other hand has black eyes.. She also got those from me."

Next Joke
 
"In my defense, my response to her inquiry as to how my day was going was ""I'm less stabby than normal"" not ""Please tell me about your cat."""
"My nonprofit for constipation awareness went bankrupt (at least half of you can guess the punchline)... because no one gave a shit!!! yeah yeah, I know where the door is..."
"It's been said that bird droppings on the shoulder is good luck... That's crap."
"I saw a woman in a restaurant yesterday wearing a t-shirt that read ""Guess?"" So I said, 38D?"
"Ugh Starbucks spelled my name right again and now I have nothing to Instagram."
"Funniest YouTube channel? Mark Fitzgibben , Brandon Berg or BroKaine ? XDDD"
"What does an expensive circumcision have in common with a cheap circumcision? They're both a rip-off."
"2: I no want to eat pasta! It too spicy! Me: Oh ok then 2: I no wan watch Mickey Mouse he too spicy! Me: huh? 2: NO BATH TIME BATH TOO SPICY"
"What was the first think Queen Elizabeth did on ascending to the throne ? Sat down !"