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Joke of the Day

"Why don't we elect fat presidents any more? Because they don't run."

"If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I'd have 27 dollars and 15 cents."

"(NSFW) Coors Light is like having sex in a canoe. Fucking close to water."

"Love is that really warm feeling that starts from the tips of your fingers and goes towards the bottom of your hand. Oh no wait that's glove"

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He had to work it out with a pencil."

"Her:""What do you do?"" Me:""I teach astronomy."" Her:""OMG!! I'm a Sagitarius! Can you see my future?"" Me:""Yes, you'll go home alone tonight."""

"If the Hulk worked in the produce section of Kroger... would he be a Green Grocer?"

"How long does it take for a Jew to get 100 meters far? It depends on the wind strength."

"*Robber runs into Chipotle* GIMME THE MONEY IN THE REGISTER ""Is this for here or to go?"" Uh. To go ""Do you want guac?"" Sure ""It's extra"""

"What did Paul Walker say after filiming the car chase scene?"