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Joke of the Day

"Girl on my bus has a therapy dog with a marked vest and I was like, ""what kind of therapy is he in?"" because of course I said that"

"Trump is like Hurricane Matthew The media is talking about it nonstop. Nobody knows how bad it's going to be, but you can't help shake your head at the Floridan who ignores the warning."

"What do you call a fat relative around Halloween? A plump-kin"

"I just finished reading a book about preventing skin injuries and burns... The author classified the book as ""non-friction"""

"I was at a cafe when a Frenchman spilled water on himself. It was a pretty l'eau point in his life. (L'eau is French for water)"

"Law of attraction to females If I had a nickel for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive."

"Have you heard about the Polish lesbian? She fucks men."

"What did one calculator say to the other when it was time for it to leave? Aight I'll calcu-lata"

"what's the best part of living in Sweden? Well, the flags a big plus. edit: FUCK meant Switzerland"

"Where did the father of the paper sack live? Baghdad!"