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Joke of the Day

"Trump is like Hurricane Matthew The media is talking about it nonstop. Nobody knows how bad it's going to be, but you can't help shake your head at the Floridan who ignores the warning."

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"What do you call Christopher Walken when he is sitting? Christopher Sitten"
"I was looking at some fetish porn on my phone... I came upon it by accident."
"I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I've said it before."
"A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the workday."
"Remember when white people rioted when OJ was acquitted? neither do I."
"[Walks in on girlfriend on death bed] ME: [Crying] this can't be happening GRIM REAPER: Dude, I can explain. She totally came on to me"
"They canceled school and reminded everyone to ""Prepare for a blackout"" I've got 2 bottles of Vodka and percocet Blackout is *so happening*"
"I'm at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to shit faster because it's cold."
"Don't forget to get offended today by some retarded shit that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever."