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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by getting my wife the wrong Subway sandwich Oops wrong sub"

"4-year-old: ""Frozen"" is on TV! Me: We have it on DVD. And Blu-ray. And digital download. 4: Yeah, but this one is on right now."

"Why does a man name his penis? Because he doesn't want a total stranger making 90% of his decisions."

"Before Midnight on New Years Eve, I raised my Left Foot off the Ground So I could be sure to start 2016 on the right foot"

"*pulls up to window* Me: *on phone* Ok, so you want a chocolate shake also? Ok, I'll get two then. *phone rings while its at my ear*"

"Did you know a hummingbird has to consume half its body weight in sugar every day and that I don't have to do that but I still also do that?"

"Minecraft: Story Mode Nerdcubed did it better nearly half a decade sooner"

"TIL the excuse the US Marine used in May 1943 after accidentally friendly fire'ing a British U-boat. Woops, wrong sub."

"Using my son's raincoat as a hat so my hair doesn't get messed up. He's doing the cutest little shivers!"

"Damn Shakira is doing Activia commercials too now. With all that belly dancing, you'd think she'd be able to shit. Who knew."