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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard about the Nascar driver that's in the KKK? He's a racist."

"How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lighbulb has to want to change."

"As I've been teaching myself how to use GIS again, I've been listening to a lot of Eminem. And I'm beginning to feel just like a map god, map god."

"BREAKING NEWS: Scientists sneak up on Periodic Table, add element of Surprise"

"Did you hear about the vampire in Camelot? He was a bite of the Round Table!"

"I brought my girlfriend home to meet my family My wife freaked the fuck out"

"32 is taking me to dinner, 29 is taking me to a concert, & 26 is taking me straight to bed. I don't have kids, did I do that right?"

"What did u do last night? Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows? Me [covering tub of dead birds]: is that the saying?"

"What's purple and chained to my front porch? That's my nigger and I'll paint him whatever color I want!"

"I'm trying, but all the Liam Neeson jokes are taken."