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Joke of the Day

"when i was a kid, i thought getting arrested for shoplifting meant getting in trouble for trying to carry a store like popeye or something"

"Whats a pirates favorite letter? It be the ""C""!"

"I swallowed a 1 coin today.. ..I went to the hospital and after poking around for 10 minutes he stuck his head up and said 'ok go home, come back if there's any change' Tight bastard!"

"Last night, I forgot about the Sun Then it dawned on me..."

"Friend: ""I'm breaking up with my boyfriend. He acts like a savage."" Me: ""Fred or Ben?"""

"I feel melancoll, meloncholl, melancholl, meloncholy, you know what, I'm good."

"Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side? A: She didn't know where to buy Left Guard!"

"How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb? One. Vegans have the same capability of changing a lightbulb as non-vegans."

"What is Beethoven doing these days? Decomposing."

"I like my sex just like my wifi.. I like my sex just like my wifi, slow and unprotected."