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Joke of the Day
"(Dad joke) How much did is cost the pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck-an-ear."
Next Joke
"The beauty of a text message is that it transcends time. You respond at your leisure. Unless it's from your wife, then you have 30 seconds."
"A terrorist posts on reddit. His post blows up. He meets 72 virgins. His day could not be better."
"best nicknames: 1) Nick 2) 3)"
"I got a tattoo in memory of MH370... You'll never find it."
"i am practicing how to die in photogenic positions"
"What do you call a surgeon who graduated last in his class? Doctor"
"I once went to a party with 10% battery life on my iPhone ...so you can shut the hell up about how scary D-Day at Normandy was, grandpa."
"Doc: have you been displaying any symptoms of vampirism? Me: I've been.. Doc: ... Me: ... Doc: ... Me: ... Doc: ... Me: Coffin. Doc: get out"
"I wish people would stop asking me where I think I'm going to be in 4 years... I don't have 2020 vision."