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Joke of the Day

"I've decided my left testicle is my favorite It's more down to earth.."

"What is a hipster russian roulette? You got six cookies and five of them is gluten free."

"4: *hops in my lap* Mama, look at my picture! Me: Love it 4: See green M: Yep 4: And blue M: Mmhm 4: And red M: *flushes toilet* ok, hop up."

"Saw geese flying in a v formation and my friend asked me if I knew why one side was longer than the other. More geese dumbass."

"Haven't put on a bra in like... 5 days. Being a dude is great"

"The milk is so good its Legendary"

"Girl, yo grammatical atrocities so huge, you need typosuction."

"The Great White Whale just unveiled a sculpture of the Rolling Stones frontman made of mud brick... Moby Dick's Adobe Mick."

"Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I'm pretty sure she'll figure out that I'm just after my money."

"""Please ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"" The teacher was rather bewildered. ""Don't you mean Michael?"" she asked. ""No ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."""