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Joke of the Day

"Dr: ... Me: ... D: ... M: ... D: *sighs* Did you stick an orange up your rectum M: No *orange falls out onto floor* D: ... M: *mumbles* yes"

"Where did the little Japanese girl go when the little boy dropped by? Everywhere."

"I can't believe the pharmacy hasn't called! ""Oh they did..3 or 4 days ago..I forgot to tell you. What's it's for anyway?"" Anxiety."

"What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dictator."

"What do you call a female barber? A Bobbitt"

"Why didn't the dog want to go into outer space? Because he was scared of vacuums!"

"Rhonda Rousey is starring in a remake of Roadhouse. Now I won't feel weird jerking off to that movie."

"Recent study shows that masturbating twice weekly increases life expectancy by 20%. I've done the maths. I am immortal."

"HR: ""You've put Kurt Russell down as an emergency contact."" Me: ""Yeah, I'd like to meet him before I die. Dude is a legend."""

"whats a vampires teabag? tampons (used of course)"