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Joke of the Day

"Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy? Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)"

"Fun fact: Did you know that HIV is Roman for 'high five'? Pass it on - or, rather, don't."

"Why did Beethoven never answer the doorbell? They weren't invented yet."

"A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. 'Well' said the Scout. 'Mum had only one dose of castor oil left so I let my baby brother have it.'"

"George Washington wasn't arrogant, but he did predict the $1 bill would contain his likeness. In that regard, he was on the money."

"I didn't want to believe that my Dad was being accused of stealing from his job as a road worker, but when I got home all the signs were there."

"I saw an alarming stat the other day. Apparently 25% of women are taking medication for some sort of mental illness . . . That means that 75% of women are walking around unmedicated!"

"[LPT] How to enable site-wide flair! * Log out of Reddit * Click Register * Enter your flair in the ""username"" section * Complete the registration! You're even given an additional Karma Point!TM"

"My hair is beautiful.* *Conditioner applied."

"A reality TV mogul, a woman, and a Jew are running for president... And that's just the front runners!"