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Joke of the Day

"Tuesday walks into a bar sits down, hangs his head, and says why me."

"Duracel bunny arrested He was charged with battery"

"What has two legs and bleeds? Half a puppy."

"I'd be worried about my privacy settings on Facebook too if I had as many pictures of my ugly baby as you do."

"I was going to write a joke about the pentagon... But I gave up when I couldn't find the right angle."

"But I'm the good kind of abomination, right???"

"What do Disneyworld hookers sing? I ho I ho It's off to work I go"

"If Abraham Lincoln were alive today he'd probably run a really good blog about top hats and play bass in a Grateful Dead cover band."

"[15 years ago] Mom: Use protection. I'm too young to be a nana [Now] M: I'll pay for the Russian mail order bride. I WANT GRANDCHILDREN!!"

"I've completely cocooned myself in this blanket, and I'm not coming out until I'm a fully functional adult or a butterfly."