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Joke of the Day

"""I want you back in my arms..."" - me, drowsily, to the bag of blood hanging beside the donation bed"

"I never wish death upon anybody who wrongs me. I wish sudden, explosive diarrhea while on a date Much more satisfying."

"What do you call a bad joke about prostitutes? Whorrible."

"What's green and hairy and skies down a mountain a skiwi"

"Oh LinkedIn, what juicy tidbits do you have for me today? *raises monocle* Stanley added a skill?! HAHA! That is most delightful! *sips tea*"

"What do you take on a math camping trip? 2/10"

"Jared from subway... He'll be getting used to a new style of footlong HIYOO"

"Why did Mufasa die? Because he didn't Mufasa-nuff."

"An old gambling buddy told me this joke: What did the man with premature ejaculation say to his blind wife? ""Honey, could you pass me the remote?"" Bet you didn't see THAT coming!"

"How do you know the toothbrush was made in France? Anywhere else it would've been the ""teethbrush"""