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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between five dicks and a joke? Your mom can't take a joke."

"An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away. I had a terrible stomachache for 2 days. It was worse than period pain. I masturbated for 30 minutes non-stop and now i feel great. :3"

"Researcher: By 2030, life expectancy is predicted to increase globally by 6 years. Southerner: [pouring mac and cheese into deep fryer] No."

"I like people getting mad at airlines for snow-relayed delays/cancellations. You think companies that incompetent can control the weather?"

"I'd slap you but I'm pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty."

"* on a date snuggling * Me: Did you enjoy dinner? Her: Yeah, but now I feel fat. Me: Get your hands off my belly."

"Isn't it time we stopped celebrating Columbus day? Peter Falk died in 2011."

"What do MLK, Elvis, and the Houston Oilers have in common? They all died in Tennessee"

"AMA request: Floyd Mayweather I wonder if he'll see this"

"My ex and I didn't work out, you could say our stars didn't align I'm a Cancer she was a cunt. She was anything but a Virgo, and her Pisces smelt like a Taurus."