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Joke of the Day

"An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away. I had a terrible stomachache for 2 days. It was worse than period pain. I masturbated for 30 minutes non-stop and now i feel great. :3"

"What's the worst advice calculus can give you? Integral of e^x because that's Se^x dx and it's never a good idea to sex the ex!"

"Leonardo Dicaprio must be sad. He only has one Oscar instead of many."

"I bet when slutty girls get cremated instead of ashes the family just gets an urn full of glitter."

"You know it's cold outside when... You buy a foot long at Subway and by the time you get it to you car it's a six inch"

"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Cindrella?"

"What do you call a programmer's testicles? A hackysack."

"Sometimes when my gf is asleep, I like to sneak into the living room, put on her dress, and pretend I wear the pants in this relationship."

"Most effective way to remember your wife's Birthday Question : What is the most effective way to remember your wife's Birthday? Answer: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again. :D"

"Of course I'm not leaving. I'm just going to step outside for a minute. (Runs to car)"