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Joke of the Day

"What do MLK, Elvis, and the Houston Oilers have in common? They all died in Tennessee"

"Oh I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood. This is a Ferrets wheel. When your compartment is 90 feet in the air, we release the ferrets."

"I flipped off a latino guy who cut me off in traffic and now I'm polling at 8% in the Republican primary."

"I bet if Aquaman and Jesus had a fight, Jesus would walk all over him."

"[on a first date] Ok, don't let her know you're really a squirrel... Her: I had a great time, good night! Me: *runs in front of her car"

"What would be a great name for a Mexican Boy Band? Juan Direction."

"I've caught you canoodling. You're really in hot water now. I can see tensions are boiling. Perhaps we'd better leave this issue in the pasta tense. Sieve and let sieve?"

"People: why do dogs bark at the mail man every single day Dogs: the mailman has literally never gotten in how do you not see what I'm doing"

"60th birthday Last year my mother should have been celebrating her 60th birthday, but because of drugs, alcohol and many hard years of addition. we all forgot..."

"The Amazing Spiderman was good but they didn't cover the part in his life where he co-founded Facebook...I assume that will be in the sequel..."