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Joke of the Day

"Guy on this bus just congratulated his friend for having a birthday. Indeed, congratulations are in order for this unique accomplishment"

"[Doctor's Office] Dr: I'm not going to candy-coat this.... Me: *misses bad results of test because I'm imagining a coat made of Skittles*"

"At first, I was merely a stock trading enthusiast... ...but now I'm fully invested."

"Trump's inauguration is like his hands: Tiny in comparison."

"How do you please an Amish woman? 3 Mennonite..."

"What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend? Long time no sea."

"Yes you impress me. But so does a squirrel crossing a telephone wire."

"A Match Made in Heaven God grabbed a box of cigarettes and pulled one out. He put it in his mouth when he realized he had nothing to light it with."

"Why Snoop Dogg can't eat a hotdog... Because he drops it like it's hot!"

"I really wish my boss would fall for the ""but all my friends are allowed to be late to work"" excuse."