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Joke of the Day

"[Doctor's Office] Dr: I'm not going to candy-coat this.... Me: *misses bad results of test because I'm imagining a coat made of Skittles*"

"Some say I'm condescending It means I talk down to people."

"My Mormon neighbor said it was rude I assumed her husband's surprise birthday party invitation was also an invitation to be her sister wife."

"Your mama is so fat..... Your daddy proposed to her with an onion ring."

"What do Marylanders call their ex-girlfriends? Old Bay."

"Why do Mexicans re-fry beans? Ever seen a spic do something right the first time?"

"My first job in retail taught me that the customer is always right. Until they're out of earshot."

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish.... And a Bass Pro Shop salesman will eat for a lifetime."

"How to make $500 fast Attach it to a rocket Credit: 4chan"

"Did you hear about the new emo pizza? You just make fun of it, and it cuts itself!"