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Joke of the Day

"Why do women sound like they're having an orgasm when they play tennis? And why does my mother play Tennis in her bedroom?"

"The doctor told me to stay positive I have HIV"

"When colleges ask for my leadership activities... ""I'm a mod on reddit."""

"There's an alternate universe where we are together and finally happy. And I probably forgot to take out the trash there, too."

"In Liverpool, you'll never walk alone. There will always be other visitors to the city who've had their cars stolen, too."

"Chinese magican Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate? I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve."

"Can anyone explain this joke for me? I just don't get it, so it is either meant to be absurd/nonsensical or I am missing historical context: Q:What do you know about Damascus? A:It kills 99% of germs."

"I found my Dad's old porn stash I had no idea he was in so many movies."

"""We need to kill the terrorist NOW"" But how.. ""The human body is 70% water"" Jesus, you know what to do *terrorist dies of alcohol poisoning*"

"Kuwait a minute. Yemen to tell me if Iraq up this war debt Iran the economy into Syria's trouble? Oman, can someone tell me if this Israel?"