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Joke of the Day

"DRUGSTEP: christian parents worried about teenage son ""have you been smoking dubstep?"" ""mom what??"" ""DON'T LIE TO ME WHERE'S THE SKRILLEX"""

"Crazy ex's are like a box of chocolates They'll kill your dog"

"What entrance do prostitutes use? Hodor"

"Saw a white guy putting daisies in masa. He was trying to make flower tortillas."

"Uh oh I planned two dates today thinking one of them would cancel and now I have to come up with a lie and quick"

"What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th."

"What's your ringtone? That's nice, mine's a light shade of brown."

"I'm not saying I spend a lot of time in the restroom, I'm just saying if you walk into my stall you can be charged with home invasion..."

"There's nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you're home alone at 1 am...and you don't have children..."

"Her: when you said ""magical in bed"" this isn't exactly what I was exp- Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card Her: *softly* holy shit"