1602

Joke of the Day

"Airline passenger fell asleep on my shoulder. It was already awkward so I just went ahead & braided her hair."

"Sometimes I like to hysterically tell mall security that my infant son has gone missing just so I can show people baby pictures of myself."

"My penis used to be in the Guinness Book of World Records until the librarian told me to take it out."

"A man walks into a hotel with his family. He tells the clerk: ""I hope the porn is disabled."" The clerk replies: ""It's just regular porn you sick fuck. """

"Hate it when I can't find my slippers so I have to stand upon the wings of my pet pterodactyl Benedict as he fetches me the morning paper"

"I seriously thought the slang phrase 'This place is 'crackalackin!', actually meant 'This place is lacking white people'."

"A man tells his wife...... Husband: Hey, you and I should make a sex tape! For the future! Wife: Ehhhhh........ It'd be more like a vine."

"Me: You put the ""cow"" in ""coworker"" Her: Excuse me?? Me: It's a joke format. Her: I'm telling HR.. Me: Ok but I doubt they'll get it either."

"Q: Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom? A: To keep the swelling down."

"I bought a gun from Chekhov... I figure I'll have to use it at some point."