160096
Joke of the Day
"Why doesn't Achilles have any scars? His wounds always heel."
Next Joke
"Do you know the worst part about drinking bleach? It never gets pass the noose."
"Why are straight men smarter during sex? Because they're plugged into a fucking know-it-all."
"I'd like to think inside your box."
"Her: What's a girl gotta do to get a drink? Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*"
"I will not mess up this omelet.. I will not mess up this omelet.. I will not mess up this omelet.. I will enjoy my scrambled eggs."
"You know Toothpaste was invented in Alabama? Anywhere else and it would have been called Teethpaste!"
"Excuse me - can you tell me the way to the Staten Island Ferry? Thpeaking."
"My dad almost caught me watching midget porn. Thankfully I put my finger on the screen in time."
"Republicans: Don't let Syrians in! Trump: Don't let ANY Muslims in! Republicans: TOO FAR (dude be cool, we've got an election to win)"