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Joke of the Day

"How many women does it take to screw a lightbulb? Only one, but with a perticular FETISH"

"what did the hat say to the other hat? ""you go on ahead."" I'd like to thank Twitternation, Steve Wozniak, Adam Schefter, @MattGroening and anyone else who helped me achieve this great feat!"

"There was a time when I was thin. Sure I was six years old, but I'm confident I can get back in those clothes."

"[morning] her: did you dream about me? me: that depends...are you a member of the Backstreet Boys? her: umm no me: then no"

"Practicing parenthood on an egg only teaches kids that if you cook your baby it's delicious."

"I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist"

"What's the opposite of running away and getting married? Anteloping."

"I got my head cut off [removed]"

"What do you call a crocodile when it robs drinks? Gator-raid. <3 edit: Learned the difference between a crocodile and alligator."

"What do you call a midnight run to get ecstasy? A nocturnal E-mission!!! I came up with this a few years ago and thought I should share with the masses:)"