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Joke of the Day

"Practicing parenthood on an egg only teaches kids that if you cook your baby it's delicious."

"I just got into an argument with Mrs. Fields She was one tough cookie"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other COCK!"

"Go suck an egg. Lick a mango. Breathe on an avocado. Make everyone at the grocery store uncomfortable."

"Sergeant Miller! Yes sir? I didn't see you at the camouflage training yesterday! Thank you sir!"

"What is it called when two lawyers are fighting? Civil War"

"Father, i want a bicycle... Why you need that? You already have a wheelchair."

"Why don't professional athletes ride bikes to warm-up before games? Because then they'd be two tired"

"Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead."

"I guess I've cut back on my drinking... Time was, I'd buy a half gallon of bourbon and get drunk four times. Now I buy a half gallon and just get drunk twice."