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Joke of the Day

"What were Jeffery Dahmer's last words when confronted about social awkwardness leading to his crimes? ""If you can't eat them, boil them."""

"ME: This car's perfect except for one thing WIFE: Yes, there's no room for the childre- ME: [finds cup holder] lol I was wrong, it's perfect"

"a good dentist and a bad dentist finds out about a new candy store opening good dentist: oh man, i hope the people who go there brush and floss regularly bad dentist: ALRIGHT!!! job security!"

"Guy: Police, yeah there's this black kid harassing a homeless person. Police: You had me at black"

"Subway calling their employees sandwich artists must really piss off people who actually paint sandwiches for a living."

"I masturbated on a roller-coaster once... ...it was a real white-knuckle ride."

"Satoru Iwata is in a much better place... ... he's with Nintendo."

"Why was the clownfish sad? Because its friends were anemones."

"What do you call an obese terrorist? Osama Bin Eating"

"[job interview] ""You wrote here your biggest weakness is not knowing what irony means."" ""Ironic isn't it? Is it? I don't know."""