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Joke of the Day

"[Police sketch artist job interview] ""How am I not qualified?"" Your resume is a stick figure and a poorly drawn igloo ""It's a cat actually"""

"Cars Why do lazy people only drive automatics? Because they're shiftless."

"Cop: Know why I stopped u? ""Cuz im going too fast?"" Cop: Yes, slow down. ""But it's been 6 months-"" Cop: U can't move in with her yet."

"Wish there was a way to take all of these people commenting on the internet and make them useful."

"My uncle died after falling out of a helicopter.. ..so at his funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a parachute. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

"I wonder if women in China complain that all guys are the same."

"Finally successful enough to have ""haters"", still not successful enough to be successful"

"I recently broke up with my long term Japanese girlfriend... She didn't seem to understand so I had to drop the bomb on her twice."

"Got any jokes which can be used every day? Like... When people say I'm cold, you can reply... Stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees. What other jokes can be thrown into every day life like that?"

"When is a product with 70% less salt a bad thing? When you're buying salt."