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Joke of the Day

"My ex said she left me because of my short attention span. Unbeknownst to her I actually...damn that's a cool ass word right? Unbeknownst."

"What did the Seattle-based baker say to her apprentice? Someday you will bake like I bake."

"A cauliflower is a plant explosion in extremely slow motion."

"Zayn leaving one direction is just like putting a fork into a sausage.. It leaves four little pricks."

"I wonder how many old people have died trying to cut open tennis balls to put on their walker."

"I like my women like I like my car parking spaces... Disabled only."

"9/11 was an inside job ""But the planes were outside!"""

"Beer foam is the opposite of memory foam."

"Did you hear about the guy that fell in love with his bag? Turns out he's bi-satchel"

"What's fun about having sex with twenty-one year olds? You know, there is twenty of them"