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Joke of the Day

"*makes sure kids are asleep* *walks out to car* *slowly unwraps candy bar* *hears knock on window* *puts head down* *hands it to them*"

Next Joke
 
"How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down? Nobody knows it hasn't happened yet."
"Doctor: are you an active marijuana user? Me: not really, I usually just sit on the couch and play video games"
"I imagine when you get to heaven they give you a box with all the sodas and snacks that vending machines cheated you out of your whole life."
"I'm 291 away from having 3000 followers on Twitter and 8 away from having 10 friends in real life."
"-currently looking for an adult -Realizing I'm an adult -Now looking for an older adult -Someone successful at adulting -An adultier adult"
"Ask your doctor if being a doctor is right for him. Everything isn't about you."
"What's the difference between a girl's track team and a pygmy tribe? One is a bunch of cunning runts."
"The planet would be a better place if people would just be who they truly are. Human civilization would collapse within a week..."
"Did you hear about the new Yiddish martial art... that involves rapid spasms and filing legal action against your opponent? Jew-fit-sue is taking off in a big way"