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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari? I don't make cheap leather out of Ferraris."

"I was at a bar last night nursing a beer But I stopped after an hour because my nipple was getting too soggy"

"What do trees take when they have a headache? Aleve."

"The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2014."

"Want to hear the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth? (Bar Joke) Einstein's dick"

"What do pirates use telephones for? Booty call"

"HUSBAND: When I get mad at you, you never fight back.How do you control your anger? WIFE : I clean the toilet.... HUSBAND:How does that help ? WIFE : I use your toothbrush."

"Bought my girlfriend a dildo and a t-shirt for christmas. That way if she doesn't like the t-shirt she can go fuck herself."

"Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike"

"Hey Terminator, who are you dressing up as for the musical fancy dress? I'll be Bach"