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Joke of the Day

"Have I told you how much I don't like the cars that can go up vertical surfaces? They drive me up the fucking wall."

"[millipede preschool] head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes..."

"What did the tree say while it was being transplanted? Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!"

"[Job interview] ""What are your strengths?"" Me: I fall in love easily. ""Erm, okay... what are your weaknesses?"" Me: Those blue eyes of yours."

"Why does a dinosaur climb a tree? To get in his nest."

"What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer? A fair cop."

"I was surprised while watching the presidential debate last night... I didn't know my TV had the comedy channel."

"Guess what I got asked at the hairdresser's earlier. Fucking everything."

"What does Tom Cruise have in common with gay porn stars? All their best work is behind them"

"So an introvert throws a party for introverts... Needless to say there was a shortage of corners in the house."