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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend's dad just gave me the green light. Which was very generous, but I don't find him sexy."

"Why did the leper crash his car? He left his foot on the accelerator."

"*Breaks glass to steal Mona Lisa* You crazy? Security will hear us Security: HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE? NOTHING Security: ALRIGHT"

"You won't believe what every headline on the Internet is these days. They're clickbait. That's what they are."

"What's a good name for a cat? Catsper."

"What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use some Lube."

"Wearing sunglasses makes you look (_) *Shady.*"

"Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for a hour. Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"If you ever feel dumb, remember sometimes sloths grab their own arms thinking they are tree branches and fall to the ground."

"Starbucks Employees at Starbucks hate me...probably because I never buy anything when I go there just to take a dump."