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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life.... Avoiding them"

"My annoying little cousin is bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed. Whatever, you little idiot.. I sleep in a real car."

"My dad lied a lot. I was 17 before I realized the 'Silver Table Cat' wasn't a real species, and that we didn't own a pet, we owned a toaster"

"What did the sniper say to his wife when he came back from work? I missed you"

"Don't sweat the petty stuff Always take time to pet the sweaty stuff"

"Did you know Trump nominated a deaf guy to the Presidential cabinet? Congress confirmed him without a hearing."

"Beyonce should have her own trampoline company."

"What was the name of Europe's most famous Jewish knight? Sir cumcised"

"In Australia what doesn't kill you is probably just saving you for the sharks."

"me as a realtor: This house does include a crawl space. It's probably full of bones already, but you can always add more bones yourself."