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Joke of the Day

"What's brown and sticky? A stick. ^^^^^I'll ^^^^^just ^^^^^see ^^^^^myself ^^^^^out ^^^^^now"

"I was reading a book on animal... Thats when i saw all the rampages!"

"I found a good bread recipe where you don't have to get your hands messy from mixing it The bread was kneadless, to say"

"ME: judging by this blood stain the murderer appears to have been a turkey ACTUAL POLICE OFFICER: That's a hand print"

"Why is the new Zork game rated M for mature?? I guess it's too grue-some."

"I'm listening to U2 acapella recordings. Just needed to take The Edge off"

"My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, ""I wanna watch."""

"Today, the doctor told me that the bottom of my heart has stopped functioning. My girlfriend will be disappointed; that's the part I loved her from."

"I accidentally hired a wordsmith instead of a locksmith and now my latched threshold has been compromised by a metallic puzzle solver."

"[on date] *okay don't let her know you're a T-Rex* Her: Can you pass the salt please? Me: Crap..."