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Joke of the Day

"[on date] *okay don't let her know you're a T-Rex* Her: Can you pass the salt please? Me: Crap..."

"What do you call a guy with a toe growing out of his knee? Tony."

"Why was the NSA computer programmer late for work? Because he got Snowden"

"Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents."

"What are the two biggest lies a man will ever tell? 1. The check is in the mail 2. I promise I won't cum in your mouth."

"Bartender: What will you have? Me: Whiskey BT: Straight? Me: Except for that one time in college. BT: Me: BT: Me: How 'bout them Red Sox?"

"A photon checks into a motel the clerk says, ""Do you have any luggage? If so, I can have the bell hop take it to your room."" The photon replies, ""No, I am traveling light!"""

"[job interview] Boss: What qualifies you to be a ninja? Ninja: I just cut your head off. Boss: That's pr--*thump*"

"Dear Santa , before I try to explain, just how much do you already know?"

"What is more powerful than God, more evil than the Devil, poor people have it, if you eat it, you will die? Diarrhoea"