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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: I got us this new candle ME: sweet. What flavor is it? W: don't you mean 'what scent is it?' ME (with a mouthful of candle wax): What?"

"Have you heard about the new club with the gloryholes? It's just a little hole in the wall."

"They don't seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts. Sad."

"When they eventually make a movie about Joseph Fritzel it'll be called 'Honey, I've entrapped, raped, impregnated and demoralized the kids.'"

"What do you call a Jewish pokemon trainer? Ash"

"Hello OnStar? Yes I have an emergency. My wife thinks Pikachu is better than Squirtle. I left her at a gas station. Can you go get her?"

"How did Hitler like to have his juice in the morning? 100% concentrated."

"The inventor of the toilet must've had a rough time at his presentation. ""Oh here comes Gary with his poop throne idea"""

"If you watch Jaws backwards, it's about a shark with gastritis that keeps throwing up people until they all have fun on the beach."

"You heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it..."