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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: I got us this new candle ME: sweet. What flavor is it? W: don't you mean 'what scent is it?' ME (with a mouthful of candle wax): What?"

"I need to get my spine removed.. It's been holding me back my whole life"

"After 50 years of failed embargoes and isolation the US has recently unleashed its most obnoxious weapon on Cuba to date... The American tourist!"

"A rough, hard drinking baseball umpire was upset because he couldn't get his little boy to sit on his lap and talk to him. After all, the son never sits on the brutish umpire."

"A horse is getting brushed by his owner, The horse is like ""You my mane man""."

"Why are black people so tall? Because they're negros. (Hah get it? Knee grows?)"

"I work in retail, a married man made me laugh Me: Hi sir, can I help you? Him: Nah I'm just looking for my wife Me: Oh sorry, we don't sell wives here Him: Good! Else you'd get a lot of returns!"

"I saw a Muslim guy do a double backflip off his friend's shoulders today. It was sikh"

"There are few problems in life that can't be sorted by slowing down, taking a deep breath, and THEN drawing winged eyeliner on a raccoon."

"Are your parents siblings?"