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Joke of the Day

"What did the chronic masturbator say to his ex-girlfriend? I'm nuttin' without you."

"I'm sorry, I don't have the energy to walk a mile in your shoes. I'm just going to go ahead & judge you."

"Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife's is around $643.27. Apparently"

"After my grandfather's funeral... I scattered his remains all over my back garden. Which was horrible, because he hadn't been cremated."

"Me: I love you..Marry Me! Burrito: I'm a Burrito..stop drinking."

"Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court The judge said to Mickey, ""You say here that your wife is crazy."" Mickey replied, ""I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy."""

"It's not manslaughter if they chew with their mouth open."

"Jackie stood quietly as her father examined her report card. ""What is this 45 in math?"" asked her father. ""I think that's the size of the class"" she said quickly!"

"Bollywood What's the reason Bollywood Cast parties are awkward? They think Cast is spelled with an e."

"WIFE: You know, you're my best friend! Am I your best friend? ME: [subtly exchanges knowing glance with our dog] Of course you are, sweetie"