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Joke of the Day

"What did the calculus teacher tell the crew of his submarine while they were diving? Derive, derive, derive!"

"What do you get if you cross a pig with a karate expert? A pork chop."

"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass."

"[steps off treadmill] ""Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--"" ""Shall I call an ambulance?"" ""Please."""

"Why did Blackbeard cross the road? To indicate where the treasure is buried."

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb ? Apparently not four as my basement is still dark"

"Based on how much my bones and joints pop when I work out, I'm pretty sure I'm 80% rice krispies."

"An Irish guy walks into a bar... A few hours later he goes home and beats his wife into a coma."

"What did The Zodiac Killer say before killing his victims? ""You're Cruz'n for a bruising""."

"Made this joke up when I was 33. Extremely proud of it. Why did the salt fail 3rd grade. Cause it was sodiumb."