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Joke of the Day

"How does a hipster measure out his drugs? Using instagrams."

"What do you call a electric Volkswagen? A **Volts**wagon"

"''I want to ruin some songs today.'' -The producers of Glee every morning."

"I tweeted about Darth Vader wearing Depends earlier. Since then, two Vaders and have ""followed"" me. I'm getting choked tonite. Help."

"The 1st rule of idiom club is loose lips sink ships. The 2nd rule is don't let the cat out of the bag. Last but not least, the 3rd rule."

"I wonder how smart I'd be if my brain were as good at remembering anything as it is at remembering every humiliating thing I've ever done"

"Her: *smiles* You fill those out very nicely. Me: (looks at jeans)Thanks. Bank Teller: Sir, could you please pass back the forms? Me: Ohh!"

"Two art theives were going about their business at an art museum. One said to the other, ""Grab the Monet and let's Gogh."""

"Do cannibals try to eat gymnasts... for a more balanced diet?"

"I got thrown out of the topless bar today... I felt like a boob..."