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Joke of the Day

"Him: I'm making you Produce Manager. Me: A PLUM assignment! H: ... M: You're a PEACH! H: ... M: Do I start today or TOMATO? H: You're fired."

"THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes."

"Why being called handsome is an insult When you have a 3 way, it's called a threesome When you have a 2 way, it's called a twosome When you have a 1 way, it's called a handsome"

"How did the Scot die? He got kilt."

"Girl you got the brains of a seal. Wanna get smashed at the club?"

"Jealous and Funn It's not important to win it's important to make the other Guy loose."

"When we first dated I thought your freckles were dots of inexcusable cuteness. Now I can see how joined up they draw a pentagram."

"What does my girlfriend and Windows 8 have in common? they are both 8........"

"My grandpa told me his secret of how he would pick up Jewish girls in Auschwitz so easily. He used a broom & dustpan."

"Beer nuts $1:50 Deer nuts under a buck"