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Joke of the Day

"Two thieves try to steal a calendar. They each got six months."

"My cousin was one of the most ambitious people I ever knew. Unfortunately, he struggled with depression. His life motto? ""Gosh darn it, I'm going to kill myself, or die trying!"""

"A slice of ham and a slice of cheese walk into a bar They ask the bartender for 2 beers. ""Sorry we don't serve food here"" replied the bartender."

"A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall down a cliff... Ba-Dumm-Tss"

"Accidents Happen Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids!"

"Hitler is walking in an extermination camp with the camp manager.. ""Why is there such a sweet smell in the air?"" Hitler asked. ""Today we're burning the diabetic"" answered the manager. Edit: Spelling."

"After years of cooking, I've found that the best way to prepare brussels sprouts is to throw them away and order pizza."

"Both my ends are business ends."

"What do I think about my toes? They couldn't be further from my mind."

"Word of advice: dont bother buying toilet paper marketed under the name of Chuck Norris... It's rough, tough, and doesn't take shit from anyone."