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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes when I'm bored I send a text to a random number saying, ""ok they're dead, what do I do with the body?"""

"The next person to show me that dress... ...is gonna get a white and gold eye."

"Apple will start making Macs in America. In related news, Macs will now cost 3 billion dollars. #SOTU"

"Why don't pc gamers get laid Because they're micro-soft"

"""Where was you at?"" I was probably not skipping English class."

"Becoming hard to tell difference between credible news organizations like 4chan and troll sites like New York Post."

"[Bee diary] Day one: met a really cute queen bee Day two: queen bee is now my gf Day three: my gf cheated on me with my 40,000 roommates"

"I wish my ex girlfriend was a Ninja, this way I'd never see her"

"Has anyone ever tried Ethiopian food? neither have they"

"""Why don't you just tell her how you feel?"" ""Well, alright."" ""Girl, I feel with my nerves."""