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Joke of the Day

"Knifes Last night someone cut my power so I took out my knife and badly injured them. I guess you could say I was taking a stab in the dark. I'll be here all night"

"Why do stop lights turn red? You would turn red too if you had to change in front of everybody."

"Me: Hello Teacher: Hello M: How's my kid doing in school? T: How's my kid doing in school? I hate parrot teacher conferences"

"ISIS new way of recruitment ISIS leader posted a job offer for new workers : "" Need somebody with a head on his shoulders """

"What do snowmen eat for lunch ? Icebergers !"

"Why can't Caitlyn Jenner lie to her kids? She's a transparent."

"I've just been dumped by my girlfriend. She found me creepy because I have a nickname for my penis. Guess now that I'm single again, I'll have to take Matters into my own hands."

"Damn girl, are you a cigarette? Cuz I don't want you unless I'm drunk and one of my friends is already having you."

"The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off."

"If you want to hear an elderly couple arguing for 2 hrs about whether they closed their garage door, go to a movie at 11AM on a weekday."