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Joke of the Day

"If you love someone, set them free. If you hate someone, set them on fire."

"How many ""friendzoned"" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw."

"old chinese proverb Man who fart in church, must sit in his on pew."

"What did the polite bacteria say to the mouth? GingINVITEus in!"

"so, what is the difference between a condo and a condom? no difference, you get fucked with either of them"

"before you do a horrific crime, double check whether you could get the death penalty for it and if so whether you really want to do it"

"Just noticed that the use by date on my crumpets was April 1st I was sure that someone was playing a joke on me."

"People get so offended if you call certain people fat. You have to say jolly."

"Dudes that only Retweet chicks: Your mom just called. Down to the basement. Come upstairs. Your dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets are ready."

"*puts down window Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Yes *puts up window and drives away"