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Joke of the Day

"Some dude told me he's had 100 times more girls than me which made me laugh so much because 100 x 0 is still 0."

"Nothing good has ever gone into a microwave at 3:00am."

"How do you test a pirate for crabs? Swab the deck!"

"What do you do if your daughter starts smoking? Slow down and use lube."

"What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was both their last big hit."

"Knock knock. Come in."

"Amazingly, over half a million people showed up for Obama's inauguration ceremony, and only 8 missed work."

"I tried to cross a redneck with a golden retriever... All I got was a dirty look from the golden retriever."

"All my Facebook friends are starting to have kids. Better deactivate my acct. before they try to guilt me into liking pics of their aliens."

"I asked one of my friends how his sex life is going. His response: ""I'm holding my own""."