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Joke of the Day

"Some people like to stir the pot... ...I prefer to smoke it."

"Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL? Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange."

"I adopted a highway. Don't tell anyone I said this, but I don't love him as much as I love my biological highways."

"What is the biggest ant in the world ? An elephant !"

"Why did the Baker keep going to the ATM? He kneaded the dough"

"What is the best part of Pokemon Go? I can ride my bike indoors and professor oak can't do anything to stop me."

"4: *hops in my lap* Mama, look at my picture! Me: Love it 4: See green M: Yep 4: And blue M: Mmhm 4: And red M: *flushes toilet* ok, hop up."

"I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something."

"I saw a sign that said check your speed. Lucky I did, it had almost fallen out of my pocket."

"Why are so many blind people religious? Because they just won't open their eyes!"